on the way to private

ive decided to go private!! i know i said this before and even tried it but that was when my grandma was alive and couldnt get the hang of signing on to look at our blog......... so if u wanna keep in touch leave me ur email

i have had so much fun this year canning with teresa!! we made apple cinnamon jelly last sat and if i must say so my self it is delicious!! i also made a ton of salsa with her and missy... then some rasp plum with a ton of plums my grandpa gave me... and another favorite apple carmel jelly!!! brady hates carmel so more for me haha

a tribute to grandma

so i havent blogged for a while...... i think if i dont do this i might just never blog again... for christmas every year all my grandpa ever wants is us to write down our happenings for that year... im not good at keepin a journal and usually i would sit down the night before christmas and try to remember what i had done the year before... but a couple of years ago i sat down and really thought about what grandpa wanted.... is it really such a hard thing for me to do??? he wants so little for christmas.... then someone told me about blogging and i decided it was a wonderful thing and at the end of the year i could print off everything ive done for the year.... it has worked out wonderful.

except last month i lost my grandma..... one of the hardest thing ive gone thru.... this is a very personal thing im blogging about but i feel as if i dont do it im doing a dis-service to my grandma and grandpa by not writtin about her....

on sept 4 2009 i had a cold and took some medicine , shut off my phone and went to sleep early. that sat i had to work at the beauty school and got up to my alarm at 7... when i turned on my phone i had a couple of messages from my sister april.... by the tone of her voice i knew something was wrong... i was afraid to call her because i had spoke to my grandma the day before and she had said grandpa had pneumonia.... i just knew it was something wrong with him..... when i got up the nerve to call april i was so not expecting her to tell me my grandma had died...... i dont remember much but crying and sayin i want her back..... brady must have heard and he came in and i tried to tell him but couldnt get it out.....ive told brady for years if i ever lost either my grandma of grandpa i diddnt think i could do it... our family on my moms side is very small i only have 2 cousins, but we are so close, NEVER has one of us got in a fight or said a unkind word to each other.... growing up in a divorced home when ever i went to grandmas i knew it was a safe place for me to be where i and my sisters were loved unconditionally.... my grandparents were married for 62 years and in all that time i dont think they ever fought... that kind of love is hard to find now days... i look up to them more than they will ever know....

when grandma died i wanted to be with my grandpa more than anything, but when we pulled up to her house i had a serious panic attack... i couldnt go in that house that my grandma was no longer in and i couldnt see the pain in grandpas eyes of being the one left behind... brady stayed in the car and helped me till i could get ahold of myself enough to go in...

the only good thing about this is that all of my sisters flew up and we got to do stuff together... i met my new niece(who is adorable)

the next few days were hell for me and our family..... cant even put into words the sadness i feel... i know shes in a better place and i will see her again, but i feel selfish and i want her back!!
my grandma is (i wont talk of her in the past tense cause she is still alive and with me in spirit) the most beautiful, kind, unselfish person i know i love her more than words can say and i cant wait to see her again
i love u grandma